January 8th, 2010: Day 2

Day Two of culinary school has come and gone, and I’m feeling a little better already! Despite pushing my travel time to the last minute and having to sprint up 3 flights of steep stairs with full winter gear and a 15-lb pack of knives (yes, I understand that’s not the safest) I was right on time and ready to go.

Today’s lecture was about government regulations and food handling safety in the kitchen. Basically, as Chef Tim eloquently phrased it, how not to kill your patrons (or your husband). The lecture made me want to grow my own vegetables (on my fire escape??) and breed my own cows (again…fire escape??)…you would not believe the horror stories associated with mass-produced food and their processing facilities. Let’s just say Upton Sinclair wasn’t too far off in “The Jungle.” There are 80 million cases of reported food-borne illnesses a year; that’s only the reported cases. Boringness aside, it’s really really gross. I’m not a fan of organic food, I think it’s over priced and unnecessary, but it really makes you wonder. A cow can be slaughtered and processed (and eaten by us) if it passes the “Poke ‘n Sniff” test by an FDA inspector…and if it can kind of walk itself to its own death and has 4 legs and 1 tail. Even my cat would pass that test….due to the fact that there are no regulations for body fat percentage or how many minutes the seismograph registers after the “poke” portion of the test. The “sniff” would be questionable too. But the point is that she could pass…but only if there were kibble at the top of the plank.

Glamour Shot

In homage to my favorite SNL character Mary Katherine Gallagher, my feelings would best be expressed in a monologue from the made-for-TV movie “Getting Cooked,” in which I will be playing the part of Oscar-winning actor Stanley Tucci:

“Salmonella….listeria….VIBRIO! What’s growing in your kitchen??? 80% of U.S. chickens will make you sick if not cooked properly. Scombroid poisoning, ciguatera poisoning…cook your fish and clean your leeks! Shigella , Norovirus and Hepatitis A; think next time you eat out. Ammonia in your chopped beef!
Ill.”

I know she would be proud.

RANDOM ADVICE OF THE DAY:
Now that trichinosis has been basically bred out of the U.S. pork industry, it is safe to eat your pork after being cooked to a temperature of only 145 degrees, leaving it slightly pink.

Day 3 starts soon, so it’s off to study my stocks!